Part 1 of a 3-Part Series on My Anxiety
After I leave my house each morning I am haunted by a series of images of ways my cats could die. What if they play with my scissors and die? What if they eat my leftover fettucine alfredo and die? What if I left my hair straightener on and they die? What if my neighbor breaks in, sets them free, and they die? (If I ever give birth to a human child, I will never sleep again).
This anxiety is amplified whenever we go out of town (What if all their water evaporates? What if they think we’re never coming home and will themselves dead?) It was especially amplified when we found out the air conditioning guy was going to come fix our air conditioning over Labor Day weekend while we were in Texas.
I rattled off all my concerns to Doug as we drove to the airport. “What if the air conditioning guy leaves our door open and they run away and die? Or what if they get out into the hallway and when he sees them he isn’t sure if they’re ours so he calls our landlord to ask if they’re ours and they say no because we never told them we have cats so he leaves them there and they die?”
Doug shrugged. “Or maybe they’ll get locked into the air conditioning closet when he comes to fix it,” he offered nonchalantly.
“Oh my God,” I said, grabbing two fistfuls of my hair and pulling them tightly around my chin. “I never even thought of that!” I began banging my head against the car window. “Oh no… no no no! That’s exactly what’s going to happen! You know how much Ketos loves crawling into new spaces! Should I call them and say we don’t want our air conditioning fixed? SHOULD WE CANCEL TEXAS?”
Doug spent the rest of the ride trying to convince me that the air conditioning guy would notice if Ketos got in, that the space is probably too small for him to crawl into anyway, and that even if he did get locked in there, he could survive for three days without food or water because cats are built to withstand harsh conditions, and even a human could survive that long without nourishment if need be.
“But what if he gets Wade Steffey’ed?” I asked.
“What?”
“Remember Wade Steffey? They found his body in that closet at Purdue?”
“That was an electrical closet. Completely different. This is an air conditioner.”
Our flight ended up getting delayed for two hours, and I felt my cares slip away as I got day-drunk at the airport. Plus our flight gave out free cocktails to make up for the delay, so I was definitely not thinking about cat death by the time I stumbled off the plane and into the oppressive heat of Texas.
When we returned to our cats three days later, it was clear that they had had a perfectly restful holiday weekend. And we had air conditioning again.
Ha! Great post. Having two human babies (well, 11 and 9) myself, I can tell you that the childxiety (your term) never goes away. My friend said it’s like having your internal organs marching out in the world, exposed, all by themselves. All the time.
BTW, this is why alcohol was invented. 40,000 B.C.: fermentation of elder root berries when first child learns to walk (or housecat ventures into the world?).
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I like the line about the organs. I cannot even imagine the childxiety that would go along with having a 9 and 11 year old… let alone teenagers.
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I don’t want to encourage your catxiety, but whilst you are reading this….WHAT ARE YOUR CATS DOING RIGHT NOW???
Quick, go check!!!
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AAAAAAHhhhh don’t do this to me!
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So relatable. So hilarious. I love other neurotics. Can’t wait to see parts two and three.
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Thanks! They’re on the way…
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Marnie and I worry about our fathead when we leave, too, but not in a death kind of way. We worry about his socio-emotional health. He is such a lovey cat and cries when we get home. Presumably because he has missed us and is so happy that we’re back.
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You guys should get a second cat to keep Fathead company for when you’re not home!! Or, I guess a baby will work. As long as you leave it home alone with Fathead.
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You don’t know anxiety until you become a mom! I still have nightmares about losing you and your sister! BTW – Scout spent last night on the porch because I forgot to let him in last night!
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Scout is a “her”, not a him!
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“Wade Steffey’ed”???
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You just lost a fan. You should realize that with a public blog people might know Wade.
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I’m very sorry for your loss. I did not mean offense to Wade or anyone who knew him. It’s a sad and frightening story that I still think about.
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This post is freaking AWESOME. Mainly because I can relate, minus the cat part since I don’t have any and am vaguely allergic…. But the depiction of debilitating stress over irrational anxious fears associated with the loss of control — so true!!!
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I actually decided to be more open about my own anxiety after reading some of your posts, in which I very much recognized my own anxiety in yours. So I guess you have yourself to thank.
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Oh wow.
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Who will write the book ‘Women who love their pets too much?’
There are so many of us! My dearest friend has 11 cats and two dogs and she cannot go to work full-time because she can’t possibly leave the pets alone for more than a few hours. The vet’s bills are sky-high. She has a dilemma. I would be adamant to generate money while working from home but she does not think she has any talents.
I turned my life upside down to emigrate with my pets (see my post The Pooch and the Pussycats go to Spain in August) and having them with me in my new country complicated my life beyond belief and I left after seven months mainly because of them.
Don’t worry if you ever have a human child. It is really rather different as you will raise the child to be independent and fly out into the world on his/her own. Of course that is not the case with the pookies.
BTW, I just discovered a book on Amazon titled ‘Women who love cats too much’… whaddayaknow. 🙂
Do try to let the beasties be… what you fear you attract. In the long run.
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Oh my, 11 cats and 2 dogs. I would probably be tempted to do the same thing if my boyfriend didn’t make me stick to a 2-cat limit. Although I don’t know how I would function if my anxiety were multiplied by 5.5. Sounds like you are very close to your cats, I can definitely relate.
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Yes! I always imagine my dog doing human things (a bit of gardening perhaps) that leads to trouble. Oh the pain of loving our pets. Great post 🙂
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Haha. I wish my cats could help out with chores around the house…
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I have regular bouts of childxiety. My eldest son (almost 18) lives independently a 10-hour drive from where I live. Because he’s still working out how to be a responsible adult, he makes mistakes and every time I get one of his calls for help, I just want to go get him and bring him home where I can look after him.
The younger son (12) does not usually produce as much anxiety, but today I have been an absolute basket case because the elder son was having issues AND the younger went on a camping / fishing trip with people we barely know. This involved an overnight stay, a boat, a crocodile-infested river, wild pigs, all-terrain vehicles and target practice with REAL GUNS!!!
He’s home, safe and sound, and he had a great time, but just writing all of that down is making me break out in a cold sweat…again.
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Hah. My older sister always caused/causes my mom a lot of anxiety. Booking flights to Hong Kong to meet men she met online, piloting an airplane without a license when she was in high school, selling her eggs for profit, biking down the highway… I don’t think she got a lot of sleep those first 18 years.
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Oh my God, I thought I was the only one!
This weekend I bought a bunch of flowers for friends who had invited us over for dinner. Teasel starting munching on them!
She sicked it up straight away but there were lillies in the bouquet, so I was terrified, because I know that even the smallest dose can be lethal (and she’s tiny and was born with a heart defect!). I was ready to cancel the dinner, but my other half dragged me out anyway because she seemed fine. After stressing all night she was absolutely fine anyway…. Aaargh !
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So glad she was okay! My cat eats pretty much everything… he ate part of my headphones last week. I try not to have any plants around because I know he would eat them.
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Really enjoyed your post and can definitely relate. Before we leave the house I have to make “visual confirmation” (that’s what I call it – like it’s a military operation) that our lovable old cat Oscar isn’t locked in a cupboard or trapped in a vent somewhere. I’m sure for people without pets I sound a bit crazy but the peace of mind is worth it!
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Hah, I definitely know the feeling. I always have to get “visual confirmation” about three times that my hair straightener has been unplugged, and I have to check that my alarm clock has been set about 100 times.
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This is a neat suamyrm. Thanks for sharing!
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Reblogged this on The Everyday Cyclist and commented:
I have windowxiety every day upon leaving the house. Very funny and totally unrelated to bicycling.
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Haha, I definitely relate to the windowxiety. My most recent anxiety is that rain will get in through our window, land inside an electrical socket, and burn out apartment complex down.
Thanks for reblogging!
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I appreciate you taking to time to contribute That’s very helpful.
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