1. I early voted today, thus officially putting to rest my fantasy of the election somehow coming down to my one vote and both candidates flying in to bribe me with lifetime supplies of things like Amazon gift cards, rolls of quarters for laundry, and chili cheese burritos from Taco Bell.
2. Had a nervous pee today. A co-worker and I entered the bathroom at roughly the same time, sat down on our respective toilets, and then… nothing. Silence from both ends. I’d had to pee for hours, but I got so pee shy that all my pee immediately evaporated inside my body. So I got up, flushed (?), and fled the bathroom.
3. Nervous non-pees aside, its amazing the difference having a good job makes. I do things now like smile. And feel empathy. And send Doug nice texts from work.
4. Just got back from Walmart where I made a quick stop to buy Stouffer’s mac and cheese, paper towels, and deep green nail polish. (WHY does Walmart not carry deep green nail polish? I look for it every time I go. I can’t put it out of my head). Anyway. The whole way to Walmart and back I played the guessing game, “Are those noises coming from my car, or from an airplane overhead?” This is not a fun game.
5. Just bought a pair of those leg-sock things that girls have started wearing with the top peaking out the top of their boots. These serve absolutely no function, as far as I can tell, but I’m weirdly obsessed with this look. Like, when I see them, I get so excited I wet myself.
6. I’m thinking about holding an election on tuesday between my cats. Witten is black and female, so a win for her could be pretty revolutionary. And Ketos is bound to sabotage himself last-minute with an insensitive comment about rape.
Ok. I’m serious about this bucket.
J-Bo.net 
Seriously. I’m addicted to you. Thank you.
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Thank YOU!
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Oh my goodness, lady. You crack me up in such a great way!
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Thanks! Means a lot coming from you.
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If inrftmaoion were soccer, this would be a goooooal!
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Nice.
If you have a nervous pee moment again, visualize your leg-sock things. Instant pee from excitement.
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Genius. You are a very attentive reader. I will try this for sure.
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torsdag, augusti 23, 2012 Fin hy, alirdg svullen mage, mycket mindre sf6tsug. Det e4r se5 skf6nt att alirdg behf6va ke4nna sig de4st efter maten. d6vere4ter se4llan, ff6r jag ke4nner mig oftast ve4ldigt nf6jd med en portion. Har ge5tt ner ne5gra kilo, fast jag bf6rjade iofs tre4na samtidigt som jag e4ndrade min kost, se5 det e4r nog en kombination. Klarar mig ockse5 pe5 mindre sf6mn e4n tidigare. Har inte varit sjuk sedan jag bf6rjade med le5gkolhydratkost ff6r ett halve5r sedan, fast det e4r ju inte se4kert att det beror pe5 kosten. Ne4stan ingen pollenallergi, som annars varit ganska jobbig i flera e5r.Jag tycker att jag ke4nner smaker be4ttre nu, t.o.m. avokado kan ke4nnas lite sf6t. Det e4r som att smaklf6karna har vaknat ur sockerdvalan.
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Life is short, and this article saved valuable time on this Earth.
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The truth just shines through your post
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I totally get the “nervous non-pee” thing. At work, I will walk the length of the building (it’s a big building) to get to the loo without neighbours rather than risk being in that exact situation. You crack me up!
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Totally sounds like something I would do/have done!
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Those leg sock things. I bought some of them in a similar state of excitement, so imagine my utter disappointment on finding that the things do not stay up. Is it my legs? Or did I just get a bad pair?
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😦 So far I have only worn mine once (to Walmart…) and they stayed up just fine. Maybe you got a faulty pair. Don’t give up!
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You crack me up!
Kudos for braving Walmart..the one in my area is so scary I pay the (slightly) higher Target prices just to not have to go in there. Without fail, if I go in there I end up in a terrible mood. I do LOVE how cheap the makeup is there, though, so it’s a constant battle with myself…. deep green nail polish=CVS. They have some off-brand, it’s like $1.99 and the stuff works as well as OPI. Better, when it comes to not chipping!
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I will try CVS, thanks for the lead. This is especially good because I refuse to ever spend more than $2 on nail polish. Yes, Walmart is overwhelming. But its the closest thing to my apt and I’m lazy.
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Love the leg sock look, too! Not sure if it’s just a young-only, Abercrombie-ish thing or if someone of the age of 40 should attempt it. Sigh.
I like to pretend my vote makes a difference, too. That’s why I’m not early-voting. I’m ready to cast my vote and affect the nation’s future. Don’t be jealous when you hear that North Carolina came down to one vote on Tuesday. It will be mine. ; )
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Pretty sure the look is timeless- go for it!
I will be totes jealz when that happens. Iowa is a swing state too. Doug has been pressuring me to vote early and for a while I insisted that I’d rather wait until election day to have the experience of waiting in the long lines. Maybe also because of this fantasy. There’s always 2016…
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My hat is off to your astute command over this toicv-brapo!
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I predict that Witten will win the popular vote but Ketos will win the electoral college.
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Witten and Ketos both voted for Ketos.
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Isn’t it kind of ironic that #5 leg sock look makes you want to pee yourself but you’re unable to do #4 nervous non-pee?
Your bladder must be greatly confused.
Hilarious post!
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Yes, very ironic! So much so that I think it should be a lyric in Alanis Morisette’s “Ironic.” As Michelle pointed out above, I should just think of leg socks next time I find myself in a nervous-pee situation.
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Ugh! michellestodden totally beat me to the punch line about thinking of your boot linings to combat nervous peeing (or lack there off). I still want credit.
I’m so happy you like your job!!!
I feel like every time I read a story that makes me sad, like a kid bringing his mom’s crack pipe to school for show and tell, or the rise in obesity, or a congressman commenting on “legitimate rape”, it seems like the story is always from Missouri… Also, Witten was probably born in Rwanda or something, so is therefore not a valid candidate. I’d like to see her birth certificate.
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Well, it is the “show me” state afterall. Valid concern about Witten- didn’t turn out to be an issue, though, as her and Ketos both voted for Ketos. I will e-mail you soon!!!
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sf6ndag, oktober 14, 2012 Det har varit rlgoit att ff6lja dina experiment, se4rskilt utifre5n att vi har se5 olika ff6rutse4ttningar.Jag e4r inne pe5 min 20:e vecka av me4tningar nu och kommer inte sluta ff6rre4n jag lf6st min egen ge5ta. Under min Kretavecka i slutet av september kastades jag ur ketosen med buller och brak och trots att jag uppenbarligen vet hur man gf6r tar jag mig nu inte tillbaka.Jag gick mer e4n vanligt pe5 Kreta (flera timmar om dagen), jag e5t stf6rre portioner e4n vanligt (restaurang), men jag e5t ingenting som jag inte e4ter hemma (inga semstersynder ). Jag drack mer vin e4n jag gf6r hemma (oftare, men inte stf6rre me4ngd).Det kostade mig 3kg plus dvs hela min totala viktminskning under den he4r perioden av me4tningar och nu efter tve5 veckor har jag bara tappat ett av de kilona. Surt ke4nns det, men e4nde5 nyttig erfarenhet eftersom jag hela tiden le4r mig mer om hur just jag fungerar.
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Nervous? You want nervous? Three words: Fenway Park trough. (http://bleacherreport.com/articles/159170-stories-continue-to-leak-about-fenways-famed-trough)
Stalls…. pffffff!
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Haha! Good find.
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I doubt we can kill the dollar beucase while we are hurting, other countries are hurting worse. Going forward I expect to see all major currencies deflating at the same rate with the net effect that nothing seems to be changing. In the end, the dollar will remain one of the stronger currencies if only beucase of the U.S. military and the fact that we are 1/3 of the world economy.The stimulus program will not work for several reasons. First, it’s too small and too short term to really have an effect relative to the wealth that has already been lost. Second, the required deficits and related tax increases will kill any positives over time as the emphasis shifts from spending the stimulus to paying for it. Lastly, government spending never creates the right kind of jobs- jobs associated with innovation and long term growth prospects. Stimulus programs are band-aids, not cures. They only push the problems down the road, into the future. There won’t be any significant inflation for a decade or more. The current level of debt must be worked down, the U.S, economy must be completely rebuilt along with a manufacturing base that produces real wealth and value, not just fees from financial transactions. Wage increases from productivity gains and low unemployment are the only way to drive inflation over the long term. None of those are even close to being a reality at this time, or in the foreseeable future. And printing without the associated debt is illegal unless the constitution is changed, so that’s not going to happen either. Inflation just isn’t going to happen. Rate this comment: 0 0
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Tack Johan.Jag he5ller i princip med dig men jag fe5r de5 och de5 oroilga mail de4r jag kan fe5 fre5gor som: Kan man verkligen inte e4ta en frukt de5 och de5 Nu fick jag ockse5 de5ligt samvete Dvs jag har inte riktigt insett vilken pe5verkan jag ibland har pe5 andra me4nniskor och deras syn pe5 sig sje4lva och sin (oftast) f6vervikt. Om jag lite med glimten i f6gat skriver att jag fuskar eller syndar se5 verkar det finnas en risk ff6r att jag kanske underskattar den beroendeproblemantk och den e5ngest som e4r mer utbredd e4n vad jag ne5gonsin trott.Jag te4nker naturligtvis inte sluta skriva pe5 mitt se4tt, men jag kommer e4nde5 ff6rsf6ka att inte skapa e5ngest i onf6dan.Nu kanske jag iofs f6verdriver e5t andra he5llet. dvs jag kanske tror att folk tar mig pe5 stf6rre allvar e4n de gf6r Typ Ne5ja, jag ska oavsett vara lite ff6rsiktigare med vad jag skriver Tror jag /Tommy
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Furrealz? That’s marvelously good to know.
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Dear Sir / Mam,We are a group of Investors and looking for 20 Condos below 2 Million Baht.And the loiotcan we are looking in Sukhumvit or nearer to it.We kindly request you to please send us the complete details with your best offer looking to our budget & liking. As per the above said things we required I hope we will get the positive reply from your end then we can plan to come and click the deals. waiting for your valuable reply as soon as possible.Regards,Kapil Saraogi.Mumbai (India)
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