Slightly devastated that I got so sick this weekend and had to miss three (three!) birthday parties and a visit from Noemi we spontaneously planned two days ago so that we could explore the brewery and antique car museum I randomly discovered in my city last week.
I didn’t get to do any of those things.
Instead I:
1). Caught up on Teen Mom 2, after learning that the new season has been airing for months. Why did nobody tell me this?!
2). Went through the Facebook photos of my friend’s 17-year-old sister where she is at a party wearing a Spandax skirt, reindeer antlers, and a top made out of dental floss. (I believe the party was Christmas-themed, though I’m a bit thrown off by her friend who is wearing a sequined, aquamarine bikini). When I came to a picture of her flipping off the camera with her breasts exposed, I tried to think of a way to delicately frame a comment suggesting that this could potentially be damaging to the future job prospects she will one day care about. But I couldn’t think of a way to phrase this without sounding like someone’s prudish aunt, so instead I settled for, “Classy.”
3). Went through the McDonald’s drive-thru three times in a 30-hour span. (Luckily was served by three different people).
4). Did an extensive online search for a house to rent for the next four years while Doug finishes his PhD. Found one, researched the architect who designed the house in the 1930’s, followed my future one-mile work commute via Google street view, and decided that if we don’t get this house I will probably never be happy again. I have since been fantasizing about all the house parties we could throw there, where all our single friends will meet and fall in love and get married and life itself will turn into one never-ending house party until one sad day years from now when we must move out and move on and I will stand crying in the doorway of that little house. I will look around one last time, as Doug honks from the moving truck that holds all of our boxed-up belongings, while I mentally compose the award-winning essay I will one day write about all the lessons our little house taught me about life and love.
5). Watched my cats have sex four times in front of me. I sent text updates about the situation to Doug, who was—of course—at a birthday party. I will never understand why they only have sex when I am home alone.
6). Suggested to Doug, as I laid phlegmy and crusty and weak on the couch, that I am a “glob monster” and that maybe I should just sleep on the futon tonight because I couldn’t bear the thought of making him share a bed with someone as gross as me. I mostly said these things to evoke enough pity for him to go to McDonald’s and get me a fruit smoothie so I wouldn’t have to go there a fourth time, but instead he jumped out of his chair way too quickly and declared, “I will get the futon ready! Where do we keep sheets?”
There’s always next weekend, I guess.
P.S. My blog is snowing.
Hope you feel better soon pet! I’ve never had the cat sex situation, although my dog does enjoy pleasuring himself at inappropriate moments (like when new friends come to visit).
The house sounds dreamy – I really hope you get it – and don’t feel bad about the Macca’s runs; when you’re that sick, you should be allowed to eat whatever makes you feel better.
Good to see that you didn’t let the day go to waste. 🙂
My WordPress is snowing too. A lovely effect but a bit odd for us in the southern hemisphere (where it’s around 35C during the day). 😀
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Thanks for the reply! Unfortunately the ceilings in my dream house were super low- must have been built for midgets!
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Celeste So Im sitting here at work and out of the blue I gogole Patrick Lewis what made me do that? I think about him often as well, All the great times we had growing up. Remember how he used to jump on your blue Ford and make it bounce up and down? He was the only guy in the world that tried to steal my girlfriend, punched me square in the nose and then we joined the Navy together. Even in boot camp he made my life a little easier the stuff that would come out of his mouth .incredible. He was def. one in a million. Take care Frank Mc PS. If he saw that pic of him in the St. Alice parking lot, he would bust on you to take it down. I have a team football pic where he is dead center and has a huge juice ring around his mouth hilarious
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FbMG49 zjukzwbvmitv
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Breakfast with Santa! Saturday, December 1st from 9-11AMOssian United Methodist Church201 W. Mill Street in Ossian, In 46777Come have pancakes, dliiceous egg casseroles, smoky links, cereal, donuts, dutch crunch dessert, Coffee, milk and juice something for everyoneHave your children’s picture taken with Santa and then they can shop in the Elf Store for their family members. Elves will be available to help them shop so they can keep it a surprise! All gifts are $2 and gift wrapping is included. This is a fun, holiday event sponsored by the Norwell High School Show ChoirSee you there!
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I’m SO glad you validated the fact that your blog is snowing, because I legitimately was freaking out for a minute thinking it was some kind of neurological thing going on with me.
ANYWAY, I am obsessed with this post, mainly because I do #2 all the time (please never read that that statement out of context), have done #3 before (but was unlucky in the sense that I got repeat servers), and think #4 is hilarious.
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JK… my blog is not actually snowing! You are just going crazy. It was all an elaborate trick on you.
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I KNEW IT!!!
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Wait…cats have sex? I definitely feel you on the being sick and missing out on everything fun part. I got stomach flu Thanksgiving morning and spent Black Friday in the ER. Not a fun time.
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Ew, awful thanksgiving! I’m sorry 😦 Yes, cats have sex. Even neutered ones, apparently.
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You better get that house.
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HA! Love this. Numbers 4 & 6 have me actually LOL ing. I hope you’re feeling better and I have SO many questions about the cat sex…but I’m not sure I want to know? They sound like they have a real fetish of doing it in front of you, freaky deaky!
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Yep, I have certainly been known to put cats in the mood!
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My all time favourite as well! Let’s look frarwod to some madness we all need some! Looking frarwod to seeing what you make of Mab’s Welsh Dragon!
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I’m glad you did check.. and hopefully clkcied that button. I tried what you suggested, but the mirror is too tall. I’m gonna post about some other thoughts soon! If YOU have any more, please don’t hesitate to share!
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The sequined, aquamarine bikini is made with Christmas wrapping paper, obviously.
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Obvs! I guess that makes a little more sense. Thank you for clarifying.
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A bit supseirrd it seems to simple and yet useful.
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1) In general, I really respect you. Except when I am reminded of your HORRIBLE taste in TV. Those shoes make my soul hurt, and when I hear about them, I have to go on a tirade to whoever is around me about the sad state of our society. Dave is getting sick of my sanctimonious rants.
2) “dental floss” is how I describe less-than-classy get-ups ever since the famous Princess to Prostitutes post.
4) I hope you get the house! It’s tough being someone who mentally plans out the next several years of your life within 3 seconds of making a large life choice. It’s the reason I won’t move out of our super crappy apartment with useless landlord, because even though we’ve only been here a year, in my head, we’ve been here until graduation and I have way more than a normal attachment to it.
5) I don’t think I’ve ever even seen a cat penis.
6) Shouldn’t Doug be the one offering to take the futon? I would rethink your whole relationship based on this one act.
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Hey hey hey!! I thought you of all people didn’t appreciate others losing respect for people based on their television choices, Mrs. O.C. 😉
I thought of you on the dental floss line. I thought about posting that column for halloween since you like it so much but when I went back and read it the writing made me cringe.
The house turned out to have super short ceilings, way too short for my super tall boyfriend. Bummer.
Good point about Doug and the futon. Although I think he would be too tall to sleep on our futon. Come to think of it, Doug’s height ruins a lot of things. I’m going to have to look into procedures to get him shortened.
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Posted on Great post Sam.First step is to drop the Best Integrated Campaign’ category from adivntesirg awards ceremonies. Not a great example of integration as a verb’ to young planners out there.
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I always write more words than everyone but say the same amount of stuff… do I need attention?
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Yes, but I like it, because it makes me feel like I’m getting a lot of attention too.
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I’ve nominated you for a blogging award! You’re welcome 😉 http://annaleawest.com/2012/12/17/very-inspiring-blogger-award/
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Thanks! Means a lot, coming from you.
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I believe that the term game is serhtcetd very often. Barely interactive Activity is a more appropriate term.Think about the board game life. You have to make a total of about 5 decisions throughout the game, and the rest is left to fate. More than 75% of it is just luck. A person who doesn’t know the rules could make random choices in the game and have just as good of a chance of winning as anyone else. It no longer becomes a game and is now just a waste of time.Very much the same with Battleship.I suppose people could argue for Monopoly, but I’m not buying it.
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