1. I early voted today, thus officially putting to rest my fantasy of the election somehow coming down to my one vote and both candidates flying in to bribe me with lifetime supplies of things like Amazon gift cards, rolls of quarters for laundry, and chili cheese burritos from Taco Bell.

2. Had a nervous pee today. A co-worker and I entered the bathroom at roughly the same time, sat down on our respective toilets, and then… nothing. Silence from both ends. I’d had to pee for hours, but I got so pee shy that all my pee immediately evaporated inside my body. So I got up, flushed (?), and fled the bathroom.

3. Nervous non-pees aside, its amazing the difference having a good job makes. I do things now like smile. And feel empathy. And send Doug nice texts from work.

4. Just got back from Walmart where I made a quick stop to buy Stouffer’s mac and cheese, paper towels, and deep green nail polish. (WHY does Walmart not carry deep green nail polish? I look for it every time I go. I can’t put it out of my head). Anyway. The whole way to Walmart and back I played the guessing game, “Are those noises coming from my car, or from an airplane overhead?” This is not a fun game.

5. Just bought a pair of those leg-sock things that girls have started wearing with the top peaking out the top of their boots. These serve absolutely no function, as far as I can tell, but I’m weirdly obsessed with this look. Like, when I see them, I get so excited I wet myself.

6. I’m thinking about holding an election on tuesday between my cats. Witten is black and female, so a win for her could be pretty revolutionary. And Ketos is bound to sabotage himself last-minute with an insensitive comment about rape.

Ok. I’m serious about this bucket.