Doug: Space Jam was really popular when we were in fifth grade, but I never saw it. Back then, I always wondered where kids were seeing these cool movies while I was watching City Slickers over and over again. I had to figure out what a diaphragm was and what it meant for a woman to miss her period before I could understand all the jokes. Meanwhile, all the other kids were watching Space Jam and buying cool basketball shoes.


Me: If I have to die young I’ll be okay with it, because I’ve had a full and happy life.

Doug: Don’t let God hear you say that, he’ll take you up on it.

Me: You think so?

Doug: You have to be careful with God. He’s a tiger. He’s a python. He’ll seize on any deal.


Me: Is it bad that I spend all my Saturday nights writing alone? Am I going to lose all my friends?

Doug: Chopin said that the best days were the days the doorbell didn’t even ring, so that he could compose.

Me: So I’m not going to lose my friends?

Doug: Oh, you’ll lose your friends. Chopin didn’t have any friends. He did at first, but he never answered when they would ring the doorbell. Then the rings grew farther apart and eventually stopped entirely. Chopin liked this at first, but after a year or so he said, “The worst days are the days when the doorbell doesn’t even ring, which is every day now. I’m so alone.”