DougPanda
***

Doug: I have fun with you.

Me: Aww, really?

Doug: Yeah. We’re like two boys whose moms know each other and we have matching bowl cuts and like to snot rocket our hands and smush them together.

***

While reflecting on the failing business model of the Iowa City Pizza Hut:

Doug: The first problem is its location. It’s next to a K-Mart, so it may as well be on the edge of a black hole. The second problem is that it’s a Pizza Hut, which is just a huge disadvantage.

***

Me: What was the moment when you knew I was the one?

Doug: Why does there always have to be one moment it happened? Why can’t it be like a fungal infection? You don’t know when you contracted it, you just find out after you’ve had it for a while.