Doug: They should make a reality show where thirty women compete for one bachelor, but in the end it’s revealed that the bachelor is actually just a camel wearing glasses, and the true test of love is whether or not the winner will stay with him. And if she does, she immediately goes to prison, because bestiality is illegal.


:::While watching Love Actually:::

Me: Which actor died? The one whose character is having an affair?

Doug: Aren’t they all having affairs, in a manner of speaking? Alan Rickman’s having an affair with his secretary, Liam Neeson’s cheating on his dead wife with his son… this movie is really edgy.


Me: If I went to prison for five years, would you wait for me?

Doug: Yes.

Me: Aww. What about twelve years?

Doug: No.

Me: What! Where’s the cutoff?

Doug: I don’t know. Somewhere between five and twelve.