Happy New Year, kids! And thanks so much for the past year of blog-reading. I promise not to forget any of you when I become so disgustingly rich and famous that it becomes really difficult to remember the little people.

I thought about summing up the highs and lows of 2014, but all I can think about at this moment is the day I discovered Who the Bleep Did I Marry on Netflix, and the very bad nick i gave myself shaving this morning. So, there you go. One high and one low. (Although, my Who the Bleep did I Marry discovery might have actually been in 2012. I can’t remember. I only watched it for one day, but it was a really great day.)

My big goal for 2014? Find an agent for my manuscript.

I’ve only queried one agent so far, just because I was dying to dip one toe into the hot tub of rejection. And a rejection I got, but a nicely worded one: “I’m sorry to say that I wasn’t connecting wholeheartedly with your writing, despite its poise and polish.”

Hey, I thought. That’s the most personalized rejection I’ve ever gotten. I must be improving.

But then I did some Googling and discovered there was an entire forum just for writers who have gotten rejections from this agent despite their writing’s “poise and polish.” One writer was even considering writing a book called Poise and Polish and submitting it just for the reaction.

So that will be fun.

My other goal this year? Obtain the results from my therapy licensure exam.

I took this test two months ago, people. It was all multiple choice, and it was all on the computer, meaning my results literally existed the second I finished. I called the Iowa board last week to inquire about my long-lost results, and they said that due to a computer system change they can’t figure out how to download anybody’s results. This really instills confidence.

Anyway. I will be the first to admit this was not my best blogging year, but I have big plans for this thing in 2014 so stick around. And check out my 2013 annual blog report below, if you like. You will notice that WordPress kindly omitted the very true fact that the most popular search term that brings people to this site, by far, is some variation of “dirty nasty slut.”

Happy New Year!!!

2013 Report:

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 15,000 times in 2013. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 6 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.