“Should I work out tonight or put it off one more day?” I asked Doug as I sat like a lump on our couch still wearing my hat and gloves an hour after I got home because I am that lazy.
“Does that sound like something a winner would do, or a loser? What does your gut say?”
I grabbed the flabby skin around my stomach and pushed it together to make it look like an oversized donut. “My gut says, don’t work out ever.”
This quickly evolved into me moving my stomach flabs up and down to make them look like fat lips singing “What does the paunch say?”, followed by gluttonous gulps.
In other news…
Signs The Universe Has Sent Me So Far This Week To Reassure Me That Life Is More Than a Never-Ending Trail of Broken Dreams
-Found out I can mail packages at my local grocery store. THAT IS THE BEST INVENTION OF ALL TIME. I NEVER HAVE TO GO TO THE POST OFFICE AGAIN.
-Came across an abandoned sheet of postage stamps (Have I ever had so many postage victories in one week?)
-Bought a bird necklace at the thrift store, thus compensating for the time two years ago when I saw a bird necklace at Goodwill and decided not to buy it, and then spent the next two years regretting it.
-Received unofficial phone verification from the Iowa board that they found the missing licensure exam results and that I passed (3 months and 5 days late—that’s a season, people!)