I recently found out that the cashiers at Hy-Vee are required to ask customers at least three questions at the check-out line. So after “How are you doing today?” and “Did you find everything alright?”, this leaves one wild card. And Hy-Vee tends to hire well-meaning, awkward high school boys, which makes the wild card really wild. Below are three recent conversations I’ve had with three different cashiers.
**On a particularly rainy day**
Cashier: It’s pretty wet outside.
Me: Yeah, it is.
Cashier: Do you know what rain spells for me?
(I still have no fucking clue what he meant by this. He mumbled some kind of incoherent follow-up but I was too startled to ask him to repeat it so I just smiled and nodded and puzzled over this for days afterwards. At first I was thinking “maybe they get more customers when it rains so he gets paid more?” but then I realized that makes NO sense, as cashiers are not paid on commission).
**On a day I was feeling particularly dark**
Cashier: I’m really excited to almost be done with high school.
Me: Oh, so you’re a senior?
Cashier: Let me rephrase that. I’m really excited to almost be done with my junior year of high school.
Me: Oh, well enjoy it now. Don’t wish the time away, because once you’re out of school you just have to get a job and work all the time and never get to see your friends anymore.
**On a day I was buying cat food**
Cashier: So what types of cats do you have?
Me: Uh… one is orange and white, and the other is black.
Cashier: So, do they get easier to raise as they get older?
Me: I mean, I pretty much just leave food out.
lol to the last one! I imagine the look on the cashier’s face LOL
Those poor boys. They always look totally clueless.
Especially after the last answer you had there lol!
I laughed out loud at the second one. “Ok.” You need to make this a reoccurring post.
I’m definitely planning on making this a recurring thing as soon as I gather some more awkwardness!
Definitely do more of these.
I’m not a desk laugher but I am laughing at my desk. LAMD
I’m surprised that “paper or plastic?” can’t be one of the three questions!
No one uses paper anymore.
Julia, water represent fortune in our culture. The flow of water, in some ways, spells for the the flow of money. Some people will build pool or mini waterfall in their house, wishing for good fortune. I don’t know if that helps to understand the first conversation 😛
——Beautiful Jade, BJ
Beautiful Jade!! Thank you for the insight- this explains everything! 🙂 I miss having you around to tell me things like this.
I think they make barbers or hairdressers ask questions too. One time, a lady asked me what I was doing today. I told her getting a haircut. She asked a bunch more questions and got limited responses from me and finally, she came all the way back around to “So what are you doing today?” We had reached the end of the script and we reset.
I have an idea for a barbershop where they don’t pester you with trivial small talk, I don’t know the name, but the tag line is gonna be “Cutting out the small talk.”
Haha! This is great- I just read this out loud to my boyfriend. We can both relate. “What are you doing today?” is such a go-to for hairdressers. You should have a completely different answer ready for that question for every time it resets. I would definitely pay double to go somewhere where no small talk is expected- let me know when you open it. I’ll be your first customer. You can frame my dollar bill on the wall and everything.