I recently found out that the cashiers at Hy-Vee are required to ask customers at least three questions at the check-out line. So after “How are you doing today?” and “Did you find everything alright?”, this leaves one wild card. And Hy-Vee tends to hire well-meaning, awkward high school boys, which makes the wild card really wild. Below are three recent conversations I’ve had with three different cashiers.

**On a particularly rainy day**

Cashier: It’s pretty wet outside.

Me: Yeah, it is.

Cashier: Do you know what rain spells for me?

Me: …What?

Cashier: MONEY!!

(I still have no fucking clue what he meant by this. He mumbled some kind of incoherent follow-up but I was too startled to ask him to repeat it so I just smiled and nodded and puzzled over this for days afterwards. At first I was thinking “maybe they get more customers when it rains so he gets paid more?” but then I realized that makes NO sense, as cashiers are not paid on commission).

**On a day I was feeling particularly dark**

Cashier: I’m really excited to almost be done with high school.

Me: Oh, so you’re a senior?

Cashier: Let me rephrase that. I’m really excited to almost be done with my junior year of high school.

Me: Oh, well enjoy it now. Don’t wish the time away, because once you’re out of school you just have to get a job and work all the time and never get to see your friends anymore.

Cashier: Ok.

**On a day I was buying cat food**

Cashier: So what types of cats do you have?

Me: Uh… one is orange and white, and the other is black.

Cashier: So, do they get easier to raise as they get older?

Me: I mean, I pretty much just leave food out.