Me (on our way to see The Fault in Our Stars): It’s a really sad story. Do you know how it ends?

Doug:  Yeah. Her cancer goes into remission, but then he gets cancer, and it turns out to be butt cancer, so he lives but they have to remove his butt cheeks so all his jeans are really roomy in the back.


Doug: You know those dreams where you fall in love with somebody you aren’t really in love with, and then it messes with your head? In the first dream I had like that I fell in love with Melissa Joan Hart. Really threw off my whole morning. I just couldn’t help but wonder if, somewhere out there, she was waking up from a dream in which she’d fallen in love with an unhygienic thirteen-year-old from Indiana.


Me: If our lives went on for infinity, do you think we’d never break up?

Doug: I think we’d have to stay together and break up; in an infinite expanse of time, we would have to fulfill all possibilities.

Me: But do you think we’d stay together forever and always live a happy life in a little apartment with the cats?

Doug: *Sigh* If that’s what you’re trying to get out of this, then fine. But if you want to work through the actual logic of infinity, then you’ve got some more work to do tonight.