Hi friends. I’ve broken down this review of my week into several different categories. So, like, you can pretend its an awards show or whatever. Here we go.
Most Shocking Fruit-Related Moment of the Week:
Cutting open my watermelon and finding that the inside was yellow.
I was pretty stunned, and figured this is what a watermelon must look like before it’s ripe. But then I saw the sticker on it that said, “I’m Yellow Inside!” Guys, is yellow watermelon a thing that everybody else knows about? Because never in my life have I ever.
Best Prank I Pulled This Week:
Leaving doll heads in my co-worker’s office while he was on vacay. I like pranking this guy most of all, because he has so many military history artifacts to work with.
Most Educational Moment of the Week:
Learning what a “pannus” (pronounced pane-iss) is.
I was doing one of my hospital assessments and was asking one of the nurses about the patient’s medical condition. “She has open wounds on her thigh and her pane-iss,” the nurse said.
Um, wow. I figured I’d misheard her but didn’t want to ask so I moved on to the next question. But then I came back to it at the end.
“Now, you said she has wounds on her thigh and her… what else?”
“Her pane-iss,” the nurse said matter-of-factly. I nodded. And wrote down the word the way I heard it so I could Google it at home, like I often do with medical terms I’m too embarrassed to ask about. Now that I know what it is, I’d say it’s aptly named. Click here if you’re interested 😉
Weirdest Delusion of the Week:
Doug and I took a pretty hike through Wildcat Den State Park.
It was lovely, but it was so hot and humid that by the end I was feeling confused and delirious. When we got home I took a nap and Witten slept on my legs. When I woke up, my first thought was, “Oh no! I’m going to get sued by the person who invented cats sleeping on people!” I sincerely believed this, and continued to believe it for the next twenty-six minutes.
Most Regrettable Purchase of the Week:
So a while ago, a swimsuit ad popped up on my Facebook feed. It was so cheap and looked so great on the model that I decided to take a chance and order it all the way from China. But when I tried to pull it on this week… well, is everyone in China like two feet tall? I mean, I took the daintiness of Chinese people into account and ordered an XL, but guys, this sucker barely made it up my thighs/pannus and did not even come close to reaching my boobies.
I really wanted to post the photo of me trying to wear it, but Doug said I couldn’t do that because then there would officially be a photograph of me on the internet that people could masturbate to, and apparently you can never un-ring that bell. So I just drew a picture. Who would you say wore it better: me or the model? Please cast your vote below in the comments section.
(Picture on left from SammyDress.)
This post gets a great long chortle from me. I knew you could write, and I knew you were pretty darn clever with pie charts, and now I’ve discovered you can draw as well! But, just maybe, it’s time to quit ordering swimsuits (we call them togs where I live) from the internet. Squeezing into those things is one thing but as for getting them off – oh, dear, it can hardly have been an exercise in elegance. So unfair!
I’m having trouble with the yellow watermelon – it doesn’t look right. Did it taste right?
It actually tasted completely normal! And yes, that was the first and last swimsuit I will order online. That model was just so darn hot that I momentarily lost my senses!!
This is such a comic read, J. Bo! First, I knew there’s a yellow watermelon, but I don’t eat it simply because it’s NOT red. Second, you had me at “pannus”. Third, LESSON OF THE DAY: NEVER BUY SWIMSUITS ONLINE!
Thanks for reading! The watermelon was actually quite tasty, but it was difficult to enjoy for psychological reasons.
HAHA I did not know there was yellow watermelon! And you totally wore it better.That’s like, a Kardashian idea of a one-piece.
OMG that bathing suit is so cute! Both variations. I mean, at least your nips are covered either way. Also, you totally win. I’m not a fan of how that other girl refuses to show her face.
Yeah that girl is a huge bitch. Should I break in the suit on a jet ski?