- Doug and I always argue over who gets to work in the living room and who has to work in the study, because whoever gets stuck with the crappy study chair has to suffer excruciating neck and back pain for the next few days. He let me take the living room for most of Friday, but after several hours he walked out of the study gleefully singing, “You had a good run” to the tune of “You had a bad day,” and then exiled me back to the death chair.
- The pain got so bad that I booked a massage which is very unlike me, and clearly I have no idea how these things work because when the masseuse left the room and told me to “undress to my comfort,” I had no idea what I was expected to do. Undressing to my comfort would mean not undressing at all, so did that mean that was an option? If not, wouldn’t he have simply said “undress?” And if staying clothed was an option, wouldn’t it seem a bit presumptuous to get naked? So I left everything on except for my bra and my watch, and when he came back in he looked really startled and confused by the sight of me in my t-shirt and was like, “ummm I’ll be using oils, ummm sorry, I guess I should have clarified” and omg you guys, I CAN NEVER SHOW MY FACE THERE AGAIN.
- I think I fixed the problem.
- For research purposes, I have watched Beyoncés “Crazy in Love” video eight times. I will never write a book where this is not a requirement, so help me God.
- Revisions are keeping me crazy busy, and yet I’m never really too busy to get sucked into a text convo like this one:
Noemi: I just unwrapped a roll of quarters and got a flashback to Julie’s coin wrapping phase. That was a thing, right??
Me: Um… Was it??
Noemi: I have a memory of you wrapping quarters on your STL living room floor, and getting really into it.
Noemi: it was really surprising and random
Me: This sounds vaguely familiar, though I feel like I would have been a pretty young kid
Noemi: I wanna say it was during college
Noemi: possibly during one of those summers when we abandoned you
Bevin: It was definitely during high school at least! I remember you offering to wrap all the quarters in my collection and getting really excited about it
Me: What!!! Are you guys serious?
Noemi: Yeah, you were REALLY into it
Me: Are you sure you aren’t just thinking of the summer I painted my basement all by myself and hated the world?
Noemi: No, this was definitely after you came out of that depression
Me: I guess it makes sense. The busy work of rolling quarters can be soothing.
- Phrases I have Googled for research:
- “pickup line about rape”
- “brain-dead synonym”
- “Jessica simpson nick lachey break up”
- “oprah episode woman trapped in man’s body”
- “scented bible cover”
- Phrases I have Googled out of personal curiosity while taking breaks from research:
- “recipes for people who hate to cook”
- “how soon can you get out of 10 year prison sentence”
- “new years too much pressure”
- “how old would the simpsons be in real life”
- “writer need massage”
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!
The masseuse story – hysterical!
Nice dude !!!