Doug: Do you think that the afterlife is just having to watch Stephanie Tanner practice her dance routine to the chorus of “I Saw the Sign” for all eternity, and whether it’s heaven or hell just depends on how you feel about it?


(after the doorbell rang)

Doug: Let’s just wait it out. It can’t be that important. If they had a warrant the door would have already been busted off its hinges and they’d be pushing my face into the carpet.


Me: The inside of McDonald’s has become a lot more modernized over the years.

Doug: Yeah, they used to play up Ronald a lot more. Now you wouldn’t even know he’s alive. Maybe he died… God, that’s bone-chilling.