:::On the disappointing shoe selection at Famous Footwear:::

Doug: Are these shoes for people who became famous for living in their parents’ basements, or people who became famous for being hobos? I can’t tell.


:::While discussing the lack of sufficient seating in the Great Clips waiting room:::

Doug: The worst is when there are eight young children and each one gets their own chair, even though they’re all so small that they’d be just as comfortable rolling around on the floor, eating their own feces.


Me: The movie theater won’t care if I sneak in a coffee from Panera, right? They’ll probably just be happy that someone is buying a ticket on a Monday afternoon?

Doug: Oh, they don’t care whether you buy a ticket or not. They make all their money from snacks and drinks. If you don’t buy a refreshment, they would just as soon see you dead.